My piece of XXXX
by Canon is dead long live fanfic
Summary: Do not read this unless you want to be disturbed, veeeeeery disturbed. Or nauseous. Will be updated scarily more often than anything else I write, or never. Like...whatever.
1. Chapter 1

-1Disclaimer. I don't own Harry Potter or anyone else mentioned here. Not even me.

Ok, Ok.

I am now going to write a Harry Potter fan fiction. Read along.

No, no. NO! Cut start again.

Here.

Fuck…………..

Er….slow down, sorry singing along to my music.

Anyway, here I am writing a story.

A butterfly tatooo….

Just like I like it girl…

Story.

OK. I'm going to start now. Honest. Any second now.

Firstly, introduction.

Where to begin?

At the beginning!

I think I'll start with Draco Malfoy. He's blonde and sexy, so if I have him as one of my main characters more people might stop reading this after about 400 words.

BTW, I love the autocorrect on Microsoft works word processor.

FUCKING LOVE IT.

Right. Where will our intrepid hero. Sorry, sexy bad boy begin his journey.

The train? Hmmm..

Home?

Gay Bar?

Hehehe.

Ah, well.

So, Draco Malfoy. He's a bit of a twat, really. He is. I really don't understand who is supposed to be a rebel against.

Not his father that's for sure. COUGH incest COUGH.

166 words. Dammit!

Right, story mode. Riiiiiiight.

3-2-1.

GO!

……

Up Up and Away!

Hyah! Hyah!

Soooo hungry………want food. Must get foooood.

……

…..

…..

Boring!

YOU SUCK!

UPDATE YOUR OVER SHITTY STORIES YOU SMALL DICKED TWAT!

FUCK OFF AND DIE!

Hungry….so very very very Hungry.

3 day old pizza crusts! Yummy.

Hey, not soo hungry now.

Draco Malfoy.

I really dislike him, but the actor who plays him is hot. Though I have to memorised his name, height, star sign etc.

Because I am not sad. You sad bastards.

Tom Felton?

Whatever.

I know Emma Watson, cos she's purty and I like Hermione. Not liiiiiiiiike, just like.

Really. Honest.

Fuck off!

sulks

It is Emma Watson right?

Whatever.

Maybe I should start off with someone else.

Or I could add myself.

Sebastian looked around, where was he?

Suddenly a huge acme safe landed on his head squashing the little fucker with an amusing PLUUURT noise.

Muahahaha.

IN YOUR FUCKING FACE FUCKWAD!

Snoopy dances.

I'm a bit mental.

Only a bit.

Not a lot or anything.

My arms hurt.

Licks them better.

My penis hurts…

Anyway…

I'm dieing….

Dear God…Why must you be so nonexistent.

flushes

Owww…………………….

Charlotte Church is welsh.

And sexy

And welsh

And sexy

And welsh

I'm half welsh

And ugly

And Half welsh

And Ugly.

Coughs

Again

387.

FUCK!

Sorry, had to let someone into the flat.

But Jenna beat me.

She's welsh! WOW!

Not saying!

NYER!

It was Will. He's a person.

Honest.

I'm bored. So I'll just write a disclaimer. Then add this FUCKING GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT!

So sorry.

NOT!

Next time. I'll actually write more shit. And noone will ever read this.

Just like my other stories.

I'll just put this in the Harry/Draco sextion cos they're mental.

Ciao.


	2. Do not read this chapter

-1Disclaimer: Do you seriously believe JK Rowling would write like this. Actually I do. But she hasn't because I have and I don't own anything.

Look at me!

Updating.

Again!

Woooo!

Second Character for this fic.

Draco and …. In a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Ferret and Loony in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love

Next comes marriage

Then comes Ginny with a miscarriage.

Muahahahaha

To my only reviewer.

STUPID STUPID!

Hehehe.

Disclaimer: This fic is not funny in any way shaper or form.

Till next time.

Keep it reel.


	3. Burn!

-1Disclaimer: If you believe I own Harry Potter then you are even more insane than me. And that's pretty fucking insane. As I am in a mental institute run by aliens from the planet Woot!

First of all I'd like to thank all the lovely reviewers who have taken time out of their wonderful lives to tell me how much they loved my piece of shit.

I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!

No, really. FUCKING LOVE!!!!!

If I had to give you all my organs so that you would live 5 seconds longer I would do it just like that.

Like THAT.

Like….thaTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

Woot!

Super.

Oh yeah!

Go Snakeman!!!!!!

Drinks diet coke

It's silver, which is shiny!

I'm typing one handed which sucks especially for caps and shit.

Finished! YAY ME!!!!!!!!

Snoopy dances.

However, a lot of you have expressed concern over the lack of actual Harry Potterness in this story. In careful consideration have I been deciding how to respond to these outrageous slurs. So bear with.

To all of those peeps out there who think I should put some more Harry Potter stuff in my Harry Potter fan fiction I have this to say. YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU BURN MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!! BURN!!!!

I KILL YOU!!!!

I KILL YOU ALL!!!!!

Muhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

MuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahacoughcoughGASP.

Thank you.

BURN!!!!!!!!

Sorry about that.

Hacks.

More diet coke.

Sweet Diet Coke.

Silver Diet Coke

Sweet Silver Diet Coke.

Sweet Silver Shiny Diet Coke

Sweet Silver Shiny Diet Coke Contains a source of Phenylalanine.

Phenylalanine?

Phe-ny-la-la-nine?

Her-my-oh-knee.

Hooraaay!

No biscuits for you. All for me!!!!!

Precious Diet Coke

Precious Pretty Diet Coke

Precious Pretty Phenylalanine Diet Coke Dress to impress.

Oh look. Almost 2 pages and still no fucking Harry Potter. Ha! How do you like them apples? Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HOH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?

And there's no fucking in Harry Potter anyway.

So all of you who put it in are completely AU.

HA!

Don't even get me started on you Slashers.

And as for you Harmione Shippers.

Spit!

Ha.

Right in the eye.

Anyway, on with the story.

Stupid Doorbell. Grrr!

Is Elizha in?

Grrr.

Draco Malfoy

Luna Lovegood.

Slash.

Hmmm.

There my be trouble ahead.

Goes to meet Luna.

Can't be bothered to impersonate the batty blonde.

Maybe later.

Till then.

BUUUUUURNN!!!!!!!!!!!!

No Potter for me!

No Potter for you!

We'll have a fic,

With no fucking clue!

BURN!


End file.
